


Now All Your Love is Wasted

by zaynsperfectlashes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bottom Zayn Malik, Friends to Lovers, Jealous Harry, M/M, Minor Gigi Hadid/Zayn Malik, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Zayn Malik & Harry Styles Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:55:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22256047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaynsperfectlashes/pseuds/zaynsperfectlashes
Summary: "It's okay." Zayn assures him. "Half the uni thinks we're dating anyways. But you also can't go on saying stuff like that, confirming things, when they don't even exist between us."And Harry can't help but let it slip, "I think there's a lot of things that exist between us."A ZARRY BEST FRIENDS AU
Relationships: Gigi Hadid/Zayn Malik, Zayn Malik/Harry Styles, Zayn Malik/Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 128





	Now All Your Love is Wasted

Zayn feels a cold finger poking at his calves. He groans and slips his leg inside the covers, hiding his face into the warmth of the pillow. He sighs and is about to slip back into a deep sleep when he feels a warm breath at the nape of his neck, "Zayn." the person whispers and Zayn groans again because he absolutely doesn't want to open his eyes.

He feels the warm breath hiting his neck, like the person's huffing and it makes Zayn smile, even with his eyes closed he knows Harry's pouting.

" _Zaaaayyynnn_." Harry drawls with his raspy voice, right next to his ear and it sends shivers down Zayn's body till his toes. He feels Harry's weight on his body and groans again.

"Get off me you idiot." He grumbles.

Harry snorts, "Okay but I'm your idiot." and snuggles his nose against Zayn's neck.

Zayn smiles, his eyes still closed.

His smile is wiped off his face and his eyes fly open when he feels a sharp pain.

He sits up, almost pushing Harry away from himself, "Harry!" He yells rubbing at the nape of his neck where Harry bit him.

Harry has the audacity to grin at him, "Good morning babe."

Zayn narrows his eyes at him, "I don't like you."

"I love you too. Now get up. We've got a lecture to attend."

Zayn closes his eyes and whines, "I hate uni. I hate all of this. I hate-"

He doesn't get to complete his whining because Harry's straddling his lap and pushing his hair back from his forehead, in the next moment. And Harry really has _no_ other option, there's not much space on Zayn's single bed.

Zayn for his part looks startled for a second but then he relaxes because Harry's always near him, touching him and it took him a long time to get used to it but he accepts Harry's warm wandering touches gracefully now. Harry feels proud of himself for it, because he gets to touch Zayn. He even gets to touch Zayn's hair and that's a huge deal. Harry would have it written on his forehead, if he could, or wear a badge that said ' _Zayn lets me touch his hair'_ and shove it in the face of all the guys and girls who drool over Zayn whenever they walk through the hallways.

Harry plants a kiss on his forehead and rocks them a little, back and forth, until Zayn tucks his face into Harry's neck.

"Come on. I'll buy you the large coffee from the bakery."

Zayn pulls back from Harry's neck and looks up at him, hopefully, "With that chocolate muffin?"

Harry shakes his head, exasperated because Zayn really needs to stop eating junk like that. He needs to eat healthy and Harry's always trying to feed him his kale smoothies and green salad but then Zayn's looking at him with his wide eyes and fuck , "Yes. _With_ that chocolate muffin."

Zayn grins then and Harry lives for this, for Zayn to look at him like that, for him to smile at him like that. He thinks Zayn's eyes sparkle when he looks at him and Harry's had an age old love for glitters. Harry's also just gotten painfully aware of the fact that he's sitting right upon Zayn's crotch and if he shifts a little he'll be able to feel the lining of Zayn's semi hard cock against his ass which is not a very appropriate thought about your best friend when he's sleepy and-

"Umm. Harry we need to get to the class." Zayn breaks the moment and Harry tries to hide his blush by ducking his head and nods.

"Harry you need to move." Zayn reminds him again and Harry can't help the blush that spreads on his cheeks then, he expects Zayb to look at him with his lips curved into a smirk but Zayn's looking at him with an intensity and Harry wants to melt in it. He quickly smirks and looks at Zayn, redeeming himself, "Make me Malik."

Zayn's eyes shine with a mischievous glint and he tickles Harry until he wiggles his way away from Zayn's lap.

-

They reach the uni with Zayn's hands wrapped around his large coffee and Harry feeding him the muffin with his free hand while his other hand is wrapped around Zayn's waist as they walk through the hallways to their class.

"Aren't you guys absolutely lovely to watch." Harry hears a voice from behind them and he groans because he knows the voice quite well and judging by the way Zayn's shoulders sag against him, Zayn's not amused by this either.

Harry pastes a huge grin on his face and turns to the voice, "Hi Mellisa. And why , thanks."

She huffs a little and looks annoyed. She's bitter, she is and honestly, she's got a reason to be , given the fact that Harry barged in on what was supposed to be her study date with Zayn in Zayn's dorm room and whined about wanting to eat his favourite banana flavoured yogurt, he'd even stomped his foot twice to let Zayn know _how_ serious he was and Zayn had apologetically asked Mellisa to leave.

Well in Harry's very fair opinion, Mellisa Howards doesn't deserve Zayn. She's bitter and snarky and likes playing cruel tricks on people and well Zayn deserves someone who's soft with him.

So Harry takes the opportunity to kiss Zayn's temple, "We had a great start to this morning, didn't we?" He looks at Zayn who's looking back at him with wide eyes, panic evident in them.

Mellisa huffs a _whatever_ and leaves them alone.

Harry's smirking with satisfaction when he feels a punch on his shoulder, "You can't do that!"  
The smirk falls off his face and he looks at Zayn, "What?"

Zayn looks exasperated, almost annoyed, he's never annoyed with Harry, "You can't go about talking like we're together Harry.. when you don't even mean it."

And there's a lot of things Harry wouldn't wish for to happen and Zayn being mad at him is at the top of the list. He steps closer to Zayn and sighs, "I'm sorry. I just got a little protective I guess. She's always being bitter around you because you refused to date her and you don't deserve that Zayn. You don't deserve any bitterness. You deserve love and care and affection and I know I go overboard with my protectiveness but you don't say a word in your defense and people see it as an opportunity to talk shit about you and get away with it and- what..why are you smiling?"

Zayn's smiling, his secret smile, the one where you know he's blushing and his insides are throbbing with happiness, the smile only Harry gets to see. Zayn just shakes his head at Harry and _no_ Zayn needs to know how important he is.

"I mean it Zayn. I really mean it. And I'm sorry if what I did was inappropriate I'll go and-"

"It's okay." Zayn assures him. "Half the uni thinks we're dating anyways. But you also can't go on saying stuff like that, confirming things, when they don't even exist between us."

And Harry can't help but let it slip, "I think there's a lot of things that exist between us." Zayn just stares at him, with this emotion in his eyes, a struggle, like Harry's said something he's wanted to hear for a long time and at the same time he also didn't want to hear those words, like those words hurt him.

"Oi! Love birds. Come here." Harry almost falls with the snap of the loud voice that belongs to none other than Louis Tomlinson, Zayn's roommate and friend and Harry's too because everyone who's Zayn's friend is automatically his friend too.

Zayn rolls his eyes at Louis and Harry grins at him, "Love birds eh?"

He waggles his eyebrows at Zayn and Zayn just rolls his eyes again, "I've told Tomlinson to stop calling us that so many times. Bloody wanker." He mutters under his breath and Harry laughs because an annoyed Zayn is a fun sight.

And if Harry carefully snakes his arm around Zayn's waist again as they walk towards Louis, it's nobody's business.

_

Being roommates with Louis Tomlinson means a dorm room party every week and as much as Zayn loves him, he's annoyed with the fact that he can't sit in silence in his room during the weekends.

Zayn enters his room, exhausted after sitting for six hours in the library completing his paper and twenty people in their dorm room is not what he expected. He shoots a glare at Louis' direction and Louis almost looks apologetic and well Zayn can't really make a scene right now with so many people looking at him, so he sighs and crosses the group of people to reach his bed and hide his finished paper and notes under his study table, along with his laptop, when he notices it, a chocolate muffin, right on his table. Zayn automatically smiles at it and looks around to see Harry standing at the other end of his room.

Harry crosses the distance between them and smiles, "I knew you'd need it. Exhausted babe?" Zayn sighs and nods.

And that's when Louis Tomlinson makes an entry, with an apologetic look on his face that makes him look small, and holds his hands up, "Drinks?"

Harry takes the drinks from his hand with a smile and offers one to Zayn with a nudge. And maybe Zayn _can_ loosen up a little. So he drinks the entire cup up and smiles back at Harry because he can.

They stand near his table talking about the paper Zayn's just completed, the new recipe Harry's learning while they lose the count of the drinks they gulp. 

It's not until Zayn laughs so hard that he stumbles into someone that Harry realises they'd have enough. And Harry's never been the light drinker, he can handle his drinks well, but Zayn, not so much, so he carefully wraps his arms around Zayn's waist and guides him towards his room.

Harry's roommate, Jeff is at Louis' dorm party so they pretty much have the room to themselves. All the way, Zayn keeps murmuring something and laughing about it and Harry can't help the fondness he feels for him at the moment. He drags Zayn inside his room and starts undressing him because he knows how sleeping in his jeans troubles him. Zayn's looking at him with a dopey smile, his eyelashes fluttering over his cheekbones and Harry has to remember to breathe, Zayn's beautiful.

He manages to tug down Zayn's jeans, all the while, absolutely _not_ looking at the huge bulge evident in Zayn's boxers. Zayn stumbles back and lays down on Harry's bed, like it's his own and Harry loves it, loves Zayn claiming his bed. Harry tucks him in and drinks a glass of water himself and keeps one for Zayn in case he feels thirsty, quickly undressing himself after and tucking himself close to Zayn's warmth from behind, so his chest is against Zayn's long, lean back.

And because Harry has no fucking self control, he experimentally licks at the fern tattooed at the back of Zayn's neck. Zayn hisses at it and shuffles and Harry's about to panic because maybe he crossed a bloody line and Zayn's about to leave him but Zayn just turns around to face him and shuffles closer to Harry, entwining their fingers.

"You licked me." He states and if Harry didn't have his heart beating the shit out of his chest, he'd laugh at Zayn but he just nods.

Zayn nods back and looks at their hands, "I like your hands. They're..big and warm..like them."

Harry licks his lips, "Thanks."

Zayn traces the movement of Harry's tongue, licks his own lips and leans forward.

Harry's breath stutters, " Zayn I-"

Zayn breathes close to Harry's mouth, his eyes still open and staring at Harry and Harry forgets how to form a word.

The next thing Harry does is shut his eyes tightly as Zayn's lips land on his own, just grazing his and Harry wants to cry, he wants to snuggle inside the covers and cry because he's not even tasted Zayn's mouth but it's _so good_ , the feeling of them actually really touching is so good.

Harry opens his mouth, welcoming the heat of Zayn's plump lips and Zayn immediately sucks Harry's bottom lip between his teeth, sucks and licks and bites at it and Harry's so lost, he's so lost and high above his body, he feels like he's floating but then Zayn's shifting even closer and cupping Harry's cheek and Harry's detetmined to give it back, so he kisses him back, with everything he has in him, kisses him like he deserves to be kissed. Zayn moans, this delicious sound that vibrates into Harry's mouth and lands right into his gut, clenching his insides with warmth and giddiness and excitement and anticipation and Harry thinks he might burst open.

Harry pulls back to take a breath but Zayn shifts forward and latches his lips at the skin right beneath Harry's jaw that has Harry bucking his hips helplessly and whining but then it happens, so fast that Harry doesn't even register it, the door clicks open and Jeff stumbles inside and Zayn freezes and pulls back from Harry, panicking and anxious and Harry's about to tell him to breathe but Zayn just turns over and sleeps with his back to Harry, all the warmth and giddiness replaced brutually by an icy cold realisation that this might just be the biggest mistake of Harry's life.

_

Harry's pacing in the hallway, outside Zayn's dorm room, has been doing that for fifteen minutes now. The thing is, this could be _it_ , this could be the end to everything, this could be Zayn going back to being by himself and not letting anyone touch him, not even Harry. This could make everything awkward and Harry doesn't want that, especially after Harry woke up to an empty bed and a sour mouth and the motherfucking realisation of all realisations that he might just be in _love_ with his best friend. Harry's really a mess of emotions right now, outside Zayn's room, a mess of giddiness at the revelation and acceptance of these buttery feelings he's been harbouring for _God knows how long_ and nervousness at Zayn's reaction to last night, to Harry's realisation, mixed with a high amount of anxiety, yep a mess.

He hears the click of the door opening and prepares himself to face Zayn but it's Louis who opens the door.

"You okay mate?"

"Zayn?"

Louis points to their room. Harry nods and Louis nods back and leaves.

Harry enters the room with a deep breath and the determination of confessing his feelings because it's Zayn and he's the softest human being and Harry knows that Zayn won't make fun of him even if he doesn't feel the same. And what the fuck, Harry almost stops in his tracks, what if Zayn doesn't feel the same, what if he regrets last night, what if-

But then he sees Zayn, on his bed, legs folded and looking at his lap with his phone in his hands and he looks so small and harmless that Harry wants to reach out and straddle him and cup his face and kiss the living life out of him.

Harry tentatively walks towards him and sits next to him, leaving an inch between them and stares at his own lap.

Zayn looks at him, his eyes wide with Harry doesn't know what, maybe he wasn't expecting Harry to come and talk about last night and Harry's fucking done with not acknowledging his feelings for Zayn, he doesn't want to waste anymore time _not_ loving Zayn, _not_ touching him. Harry wants to touch him.

"Zayn I think I'm-"

"Gigi asked me out." Zayn blurts, at the same time.

"What?"

"What?" Both of them echo.

Harry shakes his head because wait what?   
"Gigi..what?"

Zayn's still looking at him wide eyed, like he can't believe what he's saying himself, "She was here, an hour ago and asked me out."

Harry opens his mouth and then closes it and then opens it but nothing comes out. Harry hears it though, a cracking sound somewhere in him but this is his best friend, this is Zayn and he's supposed to be happy and he deserves someone who loves him and Gigi is a beautiful girl, she's nice and polite and fun and honestly there's nothing to hate about her, Harry wishes there was, but there's nothing. And Harry can't go around pointing the bad in people to keep Zayn to himself, because he can't be selfish, not when Zayn's been there to hear about his crushes, his breakups, his affairs, not forgetting the time when Zayn painted a ' _will you be mine_ ' for Harry's ex boyfriend Ian. So he plasters his dimpled grin on his face and hugs Zayn tight.

Zayn's shoulders sag in his embrace, and Harry takes the opportunity to sniff at Zayn's neck, to take in the distinctive smell, the Zayn Malik odour, an odour that feels like home.

Harry pulls back and grins again, "Congratulations mate."

But Zayn doesn't smile back, he looks scared, almost terrified, like he's caught in something he doesn't want and he's asking Harry to get him out of this situation with his wide eyes, the same way he does when Louis holds a dorm party and Zayn needs to escape because he's not good with crowds, but Harry shakes his head, this isn't that, this is just Harry being jealous and delusional.

So he pats at Zayn's shoulder, "Have a great day. Tell me about it later." And because Harry loves hurting himself, "Also, wear that denim jacket, you look amazing in it." Zayn just nods.

_

Harry's a prick, no scratch that, he's a _jealous_ prick, he really is because no matter how much he pretends to be the one sided lover with a big heart, he isn't. He's jealous and he's petty over Zayn looking so good with Gigi, over the stories that travel around the uni because they're apparently the hottest couple around, over the time he looses because Gigi drags Zayn everywhere with her and they're cute and Harry's even seen Zayn's pictures on Gigi's Instagram, laughing with his eyes shut and head resting on her shoulders and it's cute but it also burns Harry.

So he does what he shouldn't have done, he ignores Zayn. He ignores Zayn because the day after their first date, Harry found Zayn outside his dorm room, wide eyed and cheeks flushed and buzzed because he had a great time and Gigi and him sketched the entire day and she's funny and smart and she's also likes Wotsits unlike Harry who sucks at sketching and likes Cheetoes and is stupid and makes dumb jokes. Harry absolutely hated being stuck with Zayn on a single bed listening to Zayn talk about how amazing Gigi is and how well she took Zayn's anxiety around people and planned indoor activities for them.

For what it's worth, Harry listened to every word because Zayn doesn't talk much but when he does Harry makes sure to not miss a single word but then the rant about Gigi became too much and Harry even faked falling asleep. Zayn noticed as much and carefully got off of Harry's bed, tucked Harry in and brushed his curls away from his face and Harry couldn't help the sigh that left his mouth, but Zayn didn't think anything of it, kissed Harry's forehead and whispered, "I wish you'd listen to me today." and left.

So Harry ignores Zayn, he can't really ignore Zayn because Zayn's everywhere but Harry tries. Even when he meets Zayn, he doesn't talk much and makes an excuse and leaves him alone, painfully akward and startled.

It's a fucking disaster and Harry's drowning, he's drowning in self pity and pain because Why'd he have to fall for his best friend. Why does Zayn love Gigi?

And another part of him tells him to shove it in his ass because Zayn seems happy. He's taken to hanging around her a lot these days and he looks happy, is always laughing or smiling at something she says and they both complement each other and she makes him happy like Harry doesn't.

And while all the rational thoughts are fine, there's an irrational side too, the jealous, childish, hurt and pained side. Harry wallows in pain, because he can't seem to forget the tenderness of Zayn's fingers around his jaw, the firmness of Zayn's mouth against his, the soft whimpers and moans Zayn left, the intimacy they shared unknowingly, the warmth of Zayn's body next to his, the way Zayn gave into him and the thought that Gigi gets that, probably alot more, sinks in him and Harry feels his chest tearing inside, like a sharp jab of a knife, ripping his insides.

He wants Zayn. He loves Zayn and even if he had a chance of friendship, Harry's lost that, he's sure, by ignoring Zayn.

Harry's on his fourth drink when he feels someone yank his collar, "What the fuck did you do?"

It's that guy, the loud roommate.

"Tomlinson. Hiya!" Harry grins.

"Harry what the fuck did you do? Why's Zayn roaming around looking like a kicked puppy?"

"What?" No. Zayn absolutely doesn't look like a kicked puppy, he looks happy, in all those pictures. Although Zayn being a puppy would be so cute.

Harry's distracted by another yank, "Listen Styles, I know you guys are love birds and all that-" Harry opens his mouth to correct him because they're absolutely not love birds, not anymore, atleast but Louis doesn't let him speak, "But you better fix this. Go talk to him. He's in our dorm room."

And Harry's left there with his mouth open.

_

Talking to Zayn has never been tough. He's Harry's go to person, always has been but right now Harry has his heart in his throat because he's been a shit best friend.   
And Zayn probably hates him.

But Harry deserves a closure, if nothing else, so he walks in his room and Zayn's there on his bed, leaning against the headboard with a copy of 'Love is a Dog from Hell' and it makes Harry smile, because he gave that to Zayn.

Zayn looks at him and he looks startled, like Harry's the last person he expects, and it shouldn't be like that, it never should be, it never was.

Harry reaches forward and sits at the foot of Zayn's bed, "Hi."

"Hey. Hi. You're here." Zayn leans forward.

"Yeah." Harry licks his lips, looks at Zayn and fuck he's missed him. Harry's missed him so much, he wants to cry and sit on Zayn's lap and tuck his face into Zayn's neck and inhale his scent in.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

Zayn's eyebrows furrow but he lets Harry continue.

"I was being a little jealous-"

"Harry-"

"No Zayn! Let me say this please. I know it's childish. I mean I've had my share of relationships and you can obviously have those too. I can't act like a jealous pricks and keep you away from everyone else. You've got to have your chance at love and happiness and I can't make you happy like Gigi does. She's wonderful. She really is and I'm so happy for you. And I hope you don't hate me after-"

"I _can't_ hate you. I could never."

"I know." Harry deflates. "I just, it was too much I guess. I acted like a teenager and I shouldn't have, I should've been here to support your relationship."

"Yeah you should have been." Zayn says, sternly and Harry feels more guilt creeping up.

"I'm sorry I wasn't."

"You can be. It's not a relationship yet."

"It's not? You've.. you've not asked her yet? But you.."

"I'm gonna ask." Zayn nods and shuts his eyes and then opens them again.

He shuffles out of the bed and Harry's about to ask him what's happening but then Zayn's bending on his knees Infront of Harry and what-

"Harry Styles, I absolutely _love_ it when you save me from crowds. I love it when you buy me my large coffee and _the_ chocolate muffin even though you're against it. I absolutely love it when you fuss around about me not eating enough. I love it when you save me from bitter exes. I love you. And I have been in love with you since the day you held me through my panic attack before the presentation in first year and I've never stopped loving you. I want you to be the Cheetoes to my Wotsits. I want to sketch with you, even though you're not very good at it because you still do it for me. I love that we're so different that I crave you. I love you. Be mine?"

Harry's sure he looks like a cartoon character with his eyes bulging out of his sockets and tears flowing down his cheeks and a runny nose, he probably looks like a soaked sponge but he doesn't have a fuck to give because this is it, this is Zayn and Harry becoming _ZaynandHarry_. This is entire world on its knees before him and it's so beautiful, the moment is so beautiful and Harry doesn't know what to say but as soon as he opens his mouth, because Zayn's looking at him with those hopeful eyes, someone barges in their room and both their necks snap to look at Louis, who looks stunned by the scene and backs away with a muttered sorry.

And Harry turns to look at Zayn, still on his knees and he cries some more, "I..I love you too Zayn. I love you." He sobs.

Zayn kisses him then, his wet snotty face. And Harry laughs and pulls away, "I'm all snotty." But Zayn pulls him in, "I don't care." and kisses him again, kisses Harry until he has to pull back and breathes, " I missed you. I missed you so much Harry."

"I missed you too." Harry whispers against Zayn's lips and his forehead against Zayn's.

"But what about Gigi?"

"We never dated babe."

And Harry's mouth drops open, "I'm such an idiot Zayn! What the fuck!"

Zayn laughs and pulls him in for another kiss, "Okay but you're _my_ idiot."

"God, I fucking love you so much." Harry whispers then and Zayn giggles, "I know babe. I love you too. So much."

_

And well it turns out, not much changes after that, except the fact that Harry can climb onto Zayn's lap without thinking or startling Zayn, kiss all his tattooes and press his fingers into Zayn's hips and suck marks into the skin near his collarbone while he fucks into Zayn, hard and fast.

It also means that he gets to wake up Zayn with him straddling Zayn's thighs and grinding on his cock in the dirtiest movements until Zayn's a panting mess beneath him, desperate for Harry and Harry gives him everything he has , in hard thrusts and soft kisses.

They're the kinkiest couple and have traumatized almost all their friends, especially Louis. But all of it also means that Louis calls them 'love birds' out in the open and no one has to correct him, instead Harry bites Zayn's nose and Zayn kisses him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thankyou for reading. Tell me what you think x


End file.
